But Does He Want Me?

Every time I think I’ve made my mind up about The Director, he does something to change it back again. I’ve been kinda up and down about him a lot recently, some of which I’ll blame on my Twirtation, but I can’t figure him out. It’s driving me a little crazy…

He says he can’t wait to see me yet our conversation is stumped. I’ll initiate it, he’ll respond and then that’s it. He won’t ask questions back. He won’t carry on the conversation. He either doesn’t bother messaging back for ages or he responds with a conversation killing line.

Recently though, he’s been online all the time. He tells me he’s driving yet he’s online. He tells me he’s busy yet he’s online. The blue ticks that tell you the message has been seen are taking forever to come through so he’s clearly in another chat box, talking to someone else. I know that sounds nuts but there’s a few little things going on here. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the only girl in his life…?

We’ve gone from sending each other naughty pictures and having sex-chats, communicating 24/7 to barely talking at all. When we do talk, the conversation very quickly turns to sex or we seem to have one of those pretend fights we keep having. It’s one or the other. Like when I say something to him and he tells me I’m overreacting. I then tell him he’s reading too much into it and then end up apologising again, somewhat confused over what the fuck just happened.

At that point I think that maybe he’s not right for me. But then he turns it around. He tells me he’s just excited to see me and tries to plan future dates, throwing a few almost-romantic curve balls into the mix. It’s impossible. At times I feel like he’s really into me and I’m into him but at others, it’s as though we are two complete strangers. Maybe we just haven’t seen each other enough? I am excited to see him but is that just because I get to enjoy the delights his bedroom has to offer again? Or is because I’m really excited to see him?

I decided to have a stalk of his Facebook page. We’re not friends yet and to be honest I’m kinda glad of that. I hate the early Facebook-friend and then you have that awkward unfriend moment when you realise he’s just not the right guy for you. I like to keep my FB on the down-low until I’m sure he’s sticking around. Nothing bugs me more than those girls who profess their love for a different man every couple of weeks. That’s not really my style. But yeah, I had a stalk of his Facebook page. He’s updated his profile picture. Not a problem. He’s recently added a couple of girls…

All my age (too young for him), all busty, all beautiful. I wonder how many of them he’s slept with too….

You see – that’s how I know I kinda really like him despite my up’s and down’s and reservations about him. I’m irrationally jealous about female friends he’s added socially and the time he’s clearly chatting to other people when he should be chatting to me. He’s the one who demanded exclusivity wasn’t he? I know I demanded it on the first date when I slept with him and clearly gave him the wrong impression of me but he reiterated it. I don’t have a reason to NOT trust him but something’s changed. He’s being different, acting different. It’s almost like he’s lost interest in me which of course, makes me want him even more. It’s not like I can bring it up either because he’ll go and bite my head off like he does. The last time I said he’d been short it ended up in a fifteen minute rant about how women start fights and then blame the guy.

I just think I don’t ‘get’ him yet. I’m kinda willing to work with it though. We do have a connection of sorts. What that connection is, I’m not yet sure but there is definitely something there. I WANT to spend time with him and I WANT to get to know him more. I WANT him.

But does he want ME?